


And here is where the problem lies

by DesdemonaSighs



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst!, Second person POV, WHAT DO WE WANT :D ?, i cried a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 15:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/980714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesdemonaSighs/pseuds/DesdemonaSighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is the trouble with loving the King.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And here is where the problem lies

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

It is not the same as loving the prince. And you know that. You don't allow yourself to be disappointed when he flits past you, his crown heavy on his brow, his face like stone under the fading lights of the warm summer evening. King's aren't suppose to look servants in the eye. You aren't allowed to be hurt by it.

You chant "Long live the king!" over and over with the others, like any other, not like the man that is the King's destiny, his lover, his soulmate. To anyone else, you aren't any different. You might have the slightest bit of the King's favor, but that's only because you change his chamberpot and carry his armor, not because you let him inside you, let him kiss the places that no one has kissed before, let him roll his hips against you, within you, until you're both a mess and neither can think straight.

* * *

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He will get drunk, like he always does at big celebrations, and he will lean on you the entire night, passing his hand inappropriately over your thigh whenever you bend down to refill his glass. He will mutter dirty things in your ear, as if it's okay to do these things, and you will not stop him.

He will tumble you into his bed, force your head down into his lap and say _suck_ until you do. He will wake in the morning feeling guilty and run his hands over your side, telling you that he loves you until you remember that he really does.

* * *

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He will dance with ladies at balls and kiss them on the lips, the same way he kisses you. He will hold their hips they same way he holds yours. His eyes will sparkle and his lips will part and he will earn their favor, until the entire kingdom loves him the way only you once did.

The difference is that you are the only one not allowed to show it. The King will never dip you at balls, never touch your hair affectionately in front of the entire court. In secret, he will run his tongue over your stomach, across your chest, into your mouth, but he will never hold your arm and escort you across the dancefloor. You will watch him, from your place beside his chair, and you won't allow yourself to be jealous. You'll hold it in until it feels like you will explode, until the tears can't be stopped and you have to run out, just as Arthur dips his latest girl and kisses her neck.

* * *

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He will never understand what it feels like to be his dirty little secret. He will pound on your door and force himself in and cry when you refuse to look at him. He will shake in your arms and take everything you have and never give anything back. He will leave before dawn because it will be suspect for the King to leave his servant's chamber in the morning, taking with him yet another piece of your heart.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

You will still love him even as you stand in the doorway and watch him slip a ring onto your best friend's finger. She will make a good queen, you know, and she loves Arthur enough to make it okay, somehow.

You will still love him even as he fucks you and you don't let him kiss your lips. You will still love him even after he apologizes over and over and over with _it means nothing, she means nothing, I love you, only you, want you, wish we could be together, love you so much, so fucking much, promise me you won't forget that_.

You will love him as you chant "Long live the Queen!" and a crown is placed on a head that isn't yours, and Arthur's lips are kissed by someone who isn't you, sealing them together for the eternity he had promised would be yours.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

You will run away, because you are scared. You will throw caution to the wind and kiss the man with the red beard and the kind eyes who has pledged his allegiance to the King. He will let you make love to him in the way that the King never let you, where it's just you and him and nothing hidden. You will let yourself fall into him, into the peace that it brings you being with someone who won't push you away once the first light cracks over the horizon, and it will be enough.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He will beat Leon to a pulp when he finds out. He will throw you in the dungeon and call you a whore and then fuck you on the cold and dirty floor because he can.

He will chant _I love you, please don't leave me, I love you, I'd give up anything for you, I love you, I love you, I love you,_ the same way you chanted "Long live the Queen" when he married someone that wasn't you.

You will get up, find your trousers, and leave him crying in the dungeon cell.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He will always love you last. He will always love his royalty, his people, his adoration, his land before he will love you.

You should have known.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He'll beat down the door to your chambers, reeking of alcohol and something else, something disgusting, and he'll hold you down and give it to you until you think you've broken something. He will force your lips open with his tongue and his teeth and fuck your mouth the same way he's fucking you with his hips. He'll thrust into you until you see stars and taste blood, and until you're crying and you curl away from him, frightened and heartbroken.

And then he will get up and leave, because it will be suspect for him to be leaving your chambers in the early morning.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

You'll hide from him. You will meet the man with the red beard and the kind eyes in the woods and let him kiss you in the places the King did, until you can't remember what Arthur's mouth felt like. You will let him erase away all the memories until your skin feels clean and you remember what happiness tasted like.

You will barricade your door, so that night you have time to hide before the King comes in, drunk and calling for you. You will twist an invisibility spell around yourself until you no longer exist to his eyes, until all he sees is your messy room and your neckerchief.

You'll watch as he collapses onto your bed, bringing your pillow to his nose and inhaling sharply. You'll watch as he cries and wipes at his eyes and nose, his face buried where your head once lay. Where _his_ head had once been, where he had traced patterns into your skin like runes and had ruined you for anyone else in turn.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

He won't ever stop. He'll keep coming and coming and coming at you until you feel your barriers break down. He'll tell you he loves you, and maybe, sometimes, you'll believe him. He'll make love to you, but it will feel fake and unreal, and you will feel dirty for days.

He won't ever let you forget that you are his. He will mark you with his lips and his tongue and his cock until even the man with the red beard and the kind eyes notices, too. He will make your heart break, over and over, until you are certain you no longer have one.

He will never stop. Never.

* * *

 

Here is the trouble with loving the King.

You don't. Not anymore.


End file.
